I've been think a lot about my role in the church lately.  We are all called to serve the church. Those that expect the church to cater to their own needs will always be disappointed. Serving is an essential part of being in a well-balanced church community. So, that being said, were do we serve? Generally speaking, God reveals where we should serve by the talents that He gives each one of us.  Unfortunately, due church politics and various other reasons, it's not always possible for everyone to be "plugged" in to where their talents dictate. This is a frustration that has grown inside of me for quite some time now.

We've been attending the same church for almost six years now and I have yet found a place where I felt as though I should serve on a regular basis. Of course, we strive to serve in various areas... whether in a smallgroup structure, with the children's service and anywhere else that the need arises. However, I personally don't feel like I "fit" in any one of these areas. The only constant in my life has been music. Unfortunately, in a church that is over 60% musicians and artists it's hard to break into the musicians' "club." And a "club" is exactly what it tends to be. Our worship leader like mainly to mainly "professional" musicians during Sunday services. While a part of me understands this, it's a shame for others that aren't currently playing full-time elsewhere and still aren't able to use their talents as well. The musicians that currently play at our church for worship services are usually playing other places as well during the rest of the week. Needless to say, it's very frustrating when you know God has given you specific talents and desires and you're not even able to use them within your own church. Personally, I've only played during a service one time in the 6 years we've been attending and that was only when our worship leader was on a hiatus, touring with Newsong.  It went extremely well, but I have yet to be asked to play again, So, I am under no presumptions that I'll ever have the opportunity to play at our church again. At least not any time soon. I've always had the feeling their is something about me that our worship leader doesn't like. He humors me by asking me to be a part of things like worship "roundtable" discussions, but it always seems like more of an "after thought." I may be totally off base about it, but that's just the way it has always seemed. He's never really tried to get to know me and whenever we've had any tyoe of discussion, it has always been because of my pursuit, not his. So, what am I to do? I think the point is that I'm restless and I don't know where my focus should be.

On this same note, our church merged with another church about a year ago. However, instead of an actual merge, it has felt more like a "takeover." At least it has to me. I think that the pastor that came aboard via the merge is one of the best teachers that I have ever heard. However, be as that may,  it just doesn't feel like "home" any more. To me, it's beginning to feel like a more "rehearsed" and cliquish atmosphere. It's just not the same church anymore. It's not the church that my family and I devoted ourselves to. Lately, I've been having a hard time finding inspiration to even getting up on Sunday mornings to go. I hate that. 

With all that being said, I've decided to start visiting some other congregations in the area. Not necessarily to find a new church home, but to get a different perspective on things and see what God is doing at other places around Nashville. Perhaps, through this searching, God will show me what my role should be in our current church or show me that He has plans for us somewhere else.

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